one of the characters describes the original as "a masterwork of postmodernism before there was any modernism to be post." 00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:31,412I need to pee!10300:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,448Lift yournightshirt up.10400:06:35,894 --> 00:06:38,226Poke your little peckerout the window.10500:06:38,263 --> 00:06:41,323Do you think the time might comewhen you don't make much of a fuss10600:06:41,366 --> 00:06:43,061about passingyour water? That's it.10700:06:52,644 --> 00:06:56,239That is a child actorpretending to be me.===============00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:12,181How did this happen?13200:08:12,224 --> 00:08:14,988It was my fault.I removed the weights13300:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,722- from the sash window--- What?13400:08:16,762 --> 00:08:20,129At Mr. Toby's request to makemortars for the Siege of Namur.13500:08:20,165 --> 00:08:23,396I wish now with all my heartI had cut off something else.13600:08:28,273 --> 00:08:30,173My poor little Tristram.13700:08:36,315 --> 00:08:39,284So both my uncleand myself were victims13800:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,047of the Battle of Namur13900:08:41,086 --> 00:08:43,350even though it took placeyears before my birth.14000:08:44,356 --> 00:08:47,325I was not unmanned,by the way.14100:08:47,359 --> 00:08:49,691I was circumcisedlike a lot of men--14200:08:49,728 --> 00:08:51,195manly men.=============38400:21:17,408 --> 00:21:20,002It had ever beenmy father's wish38500:21:20,044 --> 00:21:21,636to have a sonwith a big nose.38600:21:21,679 --> 00:21:24,739All the great menof antiquity had big noses,38700:21:24,782 --> 00:21:27,182a nose likeCaesar, Dante,38800:21:27,218 --> 00:21:29,686Pythagoras,Newton,38900:21:29,721 --> 00:21:31,916Alexander the Great.39000:21:31,956 --> 00:21:33,890But I'm gettingahead of myself.============81100:40:05,902 --> 00:40:08,268Love stories are just as boringas battle scenes.81200:40:08,305 --> 00:40:10,364What is--what is so original81300:40:10,407 --> 00:40:12,432and excitingabout the novel81400:40:12,476 --> 00:40:14,671is the "Tristrampedia."81500:40:14,711 --> 00:40:16,838Where Tristram--81600:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,577No no, it's where Walterspends the entire pregnancy81700:40:20,617 --> 00:40:23,518Iike compilingthis book of knowledge81800:40:23,553 --> 00:40:25,350Iike an encyclopedia,81900:40:25,388 --> 00:40:27,413just for his son.82000:40:28,692 --> 00:40:30,319The Jewish customof circumcision82100:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,225came to the Jewsby way of Egypt82200:40:32,262 --> 00:40:35,288or possiblyfrom the Syrians82300:40:35,332 --> 00:40:38,130or the Phoeniciansor the Capadocians,82400:40:38,168 --> 00:40:40,398which suggests...82500:40:41,505 --> 00:40:46,306that Zola and Pythagorasand Ptolemy82600:40:46,343 --> 00:40:48,334were all circumcised.82700:40:48,378 --> 00:40:51,472If they submitted to it,why not you?===============40700:22:22,407 --> 00:22:24,398Four fingers,40800:22:24,442 --> 00:22:26,273- She's four fingers dilated--- Good.40900:22:26,310 --> 00:22:30,041The highest is Trismegistusas in Hermes Trismegistus,41000:22:30,081 --> 00:22:33,778the greatest philosopher,the greatest law-giver,41100:22:33,818 --> 00:22:35,877the greatest priest.41200:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,683And he was an engineer.41300:22:37,722 --> 00:22:39,417Then you shouldcall him that, then.41400:22:39,457 --> 00:22:41,982The child shouldbe called Tristram.41500:22:42,026 --> 00:22:43,926- Tristram, no.- Tristram.41600:22:43,961 --> 00:22:47,488No, Tristram's the worst.Tristram is the dog's breath worst...===========43700:23:34,879 --> 00:23:37,279The name, sir,the name, the name.43800:23:37,315 --> 00:23:39,215- Trismegistus.- Trismegistus.43900:23:39,250 --> 00:23:41,445You'rea leaky vessel.44000:23:41,486 --> 00:23:44,319Can you carry it the lengthof the corridor without spilling?44100:23:44,355 --> 00:23:46,789Trismegistus,Trismegistus,44200:23:46,824 --> 00:23:48,655Tris--Tristram Gistus,==========45300:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,653I baptize you in the name of the Father,the Son and the Holy Ghost.45400:24:19,690 --> 00:24:21,954Tristram Shandy.45500:24:21,993 --> 00:24:24,985All is well. Little Tristram ismade right with God.45600:24:31,035 --> 00:24:33,560"...Brethren,this child is regenerate,45700:24:33,604 --> 00:24:35,936grafted into the bodyof Christ's Church.45800:24:35,973 --> 00:24:38,100Let us give thanksto Almighty God..."====================46800:25:18,516 --> 00:25:21,576My son has been cursedfrom the moment of his conception.46900:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,286Now, I forgot to mention this.47000:25:25,323 --> 00:25:27,848Well, it's not that I forgot.It's more that I thought...47100:25:27,892 --> 00:25:30,417I should save it untilwe knew each other better.47200:25:30,461 --> 00:25:32,588My father hadtwo domestic obligations47300:25:32,630 --> 00:25:35,827and being a systematic man,he liked to dispense them both at once.47400:25:38,169 --> 00:25:40,660The first wasto wind the clock.47500:25:40,705 --> 00:25:43,173The secondwas more enjoyable.47600:25:43,207 --> 00:25:45,937Walter!47700:25:49,113 --> 00:25:51,479You may be familiarwith Locke's Theory47800:25:51,515 --> 00:25:53,278of the Associationof ldeas.47900:25:53,317 --> 00:25:55,751It's been updated sinceby Pavlov and his dog.48000:25:57,455 --> 00:25:59,946If the dog hears the metronomewhen he's being fed,48100:25:59,991 --> 00:26:02,926the dog starts to associatethe metronome and food.48200:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,155So in the end,if he hears the metronome48300:26:05,196 --> 00:26:07,061even whenthere's no food,48400:26:07,098 --> 00:26:09,931the dog startsto salivate.48500:26:09,967 --> 00:26:13,562A similar association of ideastook root in my mother's head48600:26:13,604 --> 00:26:16,300between one domesticobligation and the other.48700:26:16,340 --> 00:26:18,831As soon as she heardmy father winding the clock,48800:26:18,876 --> 00:26:21,606she began to salivate,as it were.48900:26:24,415 --> 00:26:26,713Of course, it worksthe other way around too.49000:26:26,751 --> 00:26:28,582After a while,49100:26:28,619 --> 00:26:31,144if you give the dog the foodwithout the metronome,49200:26:31,188 --> 00:26:32,951the dog producesno saliva.49300:26:32,990 --> 00:26:35,720So on the occasionmy father came home49400:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,285and was feeling so keento dispense one obligation49500:26:38,329 --> 00:26:42,129he skipped the other,he surprised my mother...49600:26:42,166 --> 00:26:43,690Walter.49700:26:43,734 --> 00:26:45,634Elizabeth.49800:26:47,605 --> 00:26:52,167...who was therefore unableto produce any saliva.49900:26:57,415 --> 00:26:59,508My dear...50000:26:59,550 --> 00:27:02,144My dear, have you notforgot to wind-up the clock?50100:27:10,328 --> 00:27:12,694So it was the circumstancesof my conception50200:27:12,730 --> 00:27:16,496were as confusedas those of my birth.==============151601:13:59,107 --> 01:14:01,473It's like some Hollywood versionof "Tristram Shandy."151701:14:01,510 --> 01:14:04,604Yeah, Fassbinderwould have never sold out like that.151801:14:04,646 --> 01:14:06,546You know Fassbinder?151901:14:06,581 --> 01:14:08,811- Mm-hmm.- Wow!152001:14:08,850 --> 01:14:11,717Which isyour favorite film?152101:14:13,155 --> 01:14:14,816The whole...152201:14:14,856 --> 01:14:16,380the corpus,the bloody work.152301:14:16,425 --> 01:14:18,916"Fear Eats the Soul."152401:14:18,960 --> 01:14:21,520Yeah.152501:14:21,563 --> 01:14:23,360There's more truthin that title152601:14:23,398 --> 01:14:25,628than there is in most whole movies,you know?152701:14:25,667 --> 01:14:27,658- Yeah.- But the thing is152801:14:27,702 --> 01:14:31,001he's such likea powerful writer.152901:14:31,039 --> 01:14:32,802You know"Schatten der Engel"153001:14:32,841 --> 01:14:35,139That is my favorite.153101:14:35,177 --> 01:14:38,146- Do you know that one?- Is it the one with all the sex in it.153201:14:38,180 --> 01:14:42,708No, it's the one where lngrid Cavenis this prostitute,153301:14:42,751 --> 01:14:45,743but the thing isthat she's so beautiful153401:14:45,787 --> 01:14:48,347she doesn't even needto touch the punters.153501:14:48,390 --> 01:14:51,086They're just happyto, like, sit in her room153601:14:51,126 --> 01:14:52,957and just look at her.153701:14:52,994 --> 01:14:56,191The thing is thathumanity is so disgusting153801:14:56,231 --> 01:15:00,099they kind of, like, invadeand pollute her with their problems153901:15:00,135 --> 01:15:02,899and their insecuritiesso that in the end,154001:15:02,938 --> 01:15:05,702it's actually better for herto just fuck them.154101:15:05,740 --> 01:15:07,935You know, it's cleanerfor her to fuck them154201:15:07,976 --> 01:15:09,466than it isto listen to them.154301:15:09,511 --> 01:15:11,445You're watching the movieand you're, like,154401:15:11,480 --> 01:15:13,345"Just fuck them, Lilly!Just fuck them!"154501:15:13,381 --> 01:15:15,144- Do you know what I mean?- Fuck them.154601:15:18,687 --> 01:15:20,450Fill mewith your babies.154701:15:27,696 --> 01:15:30,597What what what?What did you say?154801:15:30,632 --> 01:15:33,465What did youjust say?154901:15:33,502 --> 01:15:36,528I don't know.I think I said, "Fuck me."155001:15:36,571 --> 01:15:39,005- I think.- The thing is--155101:15:39,040 --> 01:15:40,871no, you saidsomething else.155201:15:40,909 --> 01:15:42,638That's notwhat you said.155301:15:42,677 --> 01:15:44,304It's what I meant.=================95500:46:38,027 --> 00:46:42,191Dave's just been in"Around the World in 80 Days."95600:46:42,232 --> 00:46:45,065- Any battles?- Well, not really.95700:46:45,101 --> 00:46:47,626It was a Jackie Chan film.Tell him--95800:46:47,670 --> 00:46:50,332Do you know thatthe best battle scene95900:46:50,373 --> 00:46:51,931is in "Lancelot du Lac"?96000:46:51,975 --> 00:46:55,911You know-- yeah, that's right,the Bresson film.96100:46:55,945 --> 00:46:58,209It's just there arethese two knights96200:46:58,248 --> 00:47:00,148and they're bothencased in armor,96300:47:00,183 --> 00:47:02,174and they just keepclobbering each other.96400:47:02,218 --> 00:47:03,651You know,it goes on forever.96500:47:03,686 --> 00:47:05,415You're just hittingand hitting.96600:47:05,455 --> 00:47:09,687It's actually like a metaphor for life,you know?96700:47:10,010 --> 00:47:12,740It's about the impossibilityof actually connecting96800:47:12,769 --> 00:47:14,293with anotherhuman being,96900:47:14,337 --> 00:47:16,703because we're all wearingthese carapaces,97000:47:16,740 --> 00:47:20,801this casing,this rubbish, really.97100:47:20,844 --> 00:47:23,677And the morethey hit and hit,97200:47:23,713 --> 00:47:27,080actually,the less they impact.97300:47:27,117 --> 00:47:30,086It's-it's just...97400:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,247really really moving,actually.97500:47:32,289 --> 00:47:34,120Mm-hmm, wow.97600:47:34,157 --> 00:47:36,455- I'll see you later.- Okay, see you later then.97700:47:36,493 --> 00:47:38,427See you later.97800:47:41,598 --> 00:47:43,828What was all that about?97900:47:43,867 --> 00:47:45,892Yeah, she's a bitof a film nut.98000:47:45,936 --> 00:47:48,302You should hear herwhen she's on about Fassbinder.98100:47:48,338 --> 00:47:50,329- Fassbinder?- I've got a list98200:47:50,373 --> 00:47:53,399of the menthat fell--98300:47:53,443 --> 00:47:55,96892 diedthat morning,98400:47:56,012 --> 00:47:58,105so your chap was luckyto be alive.98500:47:58,148 --> 00:48:02,983I could fix up your lotwith real, accurate names,98600:48:03,019 --> 00:48:05,749and then they can shout outtheir names to each other98700:48:05,789 --> 00:48:07,416in the heatof the battle.98800:48:07,457 --> 00:48:11,257- What do we think?- Thank you. That would be really--98900:48:11,294 --> 00:48:13,285Have you seen"Cold Mountain"?99000:48:13,330 --> 00:48:15,764- Yeah.- What do you think?99100:48:15,799 --> 00:48:17,790I thoughtit was good.99200:48:17,834 --> 00:48:20,029I thought Nicole Kidmanwas a bit old,99300:48:20,070 --> 00:48:23,096- but I thought it was a good film--- No no, the battle scenes.99400:48:23,139 --> 00:48:25,073Oh, fantastic!Very very good.99500:48:25,108 --> 00:48:27,736That explosionand when he jumps down...99600:48:27,777 --> 00:48:29,711- That was the best one.- It's shite!99700:48:29,746 --> 00:48:32,374Utter shitefrom beginning to end.=============I looked this up after 'A Cock and Bull Story' was broadcast on the BBC the other night. Weirdly enough, the title she mentioned was 'Schatten der Engel' (1976), which, while based on a Fassbinder play, was not actually directed by Fassbinder himself. Presumably this was intended as an in-joke by the screenwriter (i.e. designed to give curious viewers some trouble searching it out - ditto with her reference to one of the hardest-to-find Bressons, 'Lancelot du Lac').============101400:49:28,738 --> 00:49:30,968Bach.101500:49:31,007 --> 00:49:33,271It has a calming effecton babies.101600:49:33,310 --> 00:49:35,505My parents neverplayed me Bach.101700:49:35,545 --> 00:49:38,173They played meNew Seekers.101800:49:38,214 --> 00:49:40,148I turned out fine.=======124900:59:59,268 --> 01:00:01,202when we visitedShandy Hall?125001:00:01,237 --> 01:00:04,604The theme of "Tristram Shandy"is a very simple one--125101:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,972Life is chaotic,it's amorphous.125201:00:07,009 --> 01:00:11,343No matter how hard you try, you can'tactually make it fit any shape.125301:00:11,380 --> 01:00:14,713Tristram himself is tryingto write his life's story,125401:00:14,750 --> 01:00:18,117but it escapes him'cause life is too full, too rich125501:00:18,154 --> 01:00:20,987to be able to becaptured by art.125601:00:21,023 --> 01:00:24,356And his father Waltertries to plan every aspect125701:00:24,393 --> 01:00:28,352of Tristram's birth,conception, childhood and so on,125801:00:28,397 --> 01:00:30,865and his plansall go wrong.